This week we looked at the area of managing motherly guilt. Guilt is defined as a feeling of having done the wrong thing or the feeling of having fallen short towards a particular obligation. Wouldn't it be great to shake off the feelings of guilt and get on with the joy of being a mother without the pressure. You are not alone. Should I sleep in just that bit longer, what should I put in the kids lunches, should I bike to school or take the car, do I take the dog for a walk or my boy to the swimming pool, should I make something for afternoon tea or grab another packet of bikkies, hang the washing out or throw it in the drier, should I do the cleaning or get up to date on my blog? And that was just this morning!I shared my thoughts here about the big 'G'. The video that I mention is well worth a visit. You can find it here.
In this consumer driven society we are bombarded with choices that are supposed to give us freedom. They are geared toward making you feel guilty, whether its the food you eat, what you watch, how you look, to how you bring up your children, and take care of the environment and be sure to take care of yourself. Sometimes there are just too many choices and it gets so overwhelming that we do nothing. I have often sat on the couch at the end of the day and the things I was going to do {the important things that never make it to the top of the to do list} just seem too hard. I remind myself that it just takes one thing to get started and start thinking about how good it would feel to get that one thing done.
I recently finished this book ' Find Your Strongest Life- Marcus Buckingham' and the one thing that stands out for me is the misunderstanding women have today that we can do anything means that we can do everything. There is a significant difference. We often look at other women and see an ideal that they have it all together. What you don't see is what is often hiding below the surface. He gives the conventional image of a successful woman being a juggler moving fast enough to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. The skill in juggling is keeping the balls in the air. To do so requires you to throw the next ball as quickly as it comes so you can be ready for the next one. As a result it barely touches your fingers. Living a strong life is quite the opposite of throwing. The secret is in knowing how to draw a few things toward you and catch hold of it, enjoy it and experience it fully. Well worth a read.
When we focus on what we can't do we feel guilty about what we aren't doing. We are all created differently and the areas and skills that you excel in will not be the same as someone else. You will be best at things you are naturally talented at and it makes sense to direct your focus towards those things. Avoid comparing yourself with others. Life is not about having what you want, it's wanting what you have {Heidi Swapp}. So focus on the positive and celebrate who you are. Start a list. Don't expect perfection. I shared an excerpt from Word for Today by Bob Gass about an advertisement that Fila took out in a newspaper to honour an NBA All-Star spokesman and acknowledge the pressure there is in society to be perfect. From his sporting achievements to saving the environment, even donating a kidney, 'he vowed to do better next year'. 'There will always be areas of your life that need improvement, you will never 'arrive'. But that doesn't mean you can't stop and savour the moment, or celebrate the distance already covered and say to yourself, 'I'm not all that I should be, but I'm better than I used to be. I'm all right, and I'm on my way.' {WFT Oct 15, 2011}.
Finally to help manage your feelings of guilt focus on the big picture. Avoid judging your performance on one day or even a week. Celebrate what you are doing well, take note of things that you want to do, and do what you can. Life is not to have the best but to do the best with what you have. I am reminded of this every time I drive my children to school. It is possible to bike, but it requires a lot of organising to get there. Instead of feeling guilty I am reminded that as a one car family my husband bikes to work, we park down the hill from school and walk up together and we do it when it works. I am doing what I can with what I have now.
I leave you with a book that is on my reading list - One Thousand Gifts. If you have a chance watch the trailer which you will find when you scroll down on the right hand side of the side. Enjoy the little things in life for someday you will realise they were the big things. Inspired by this post
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